Top 15 Most Frequently Overheard Tourist Comments About Charleston

1. Unless you've got a couple of hours to spare, don't mention "Hugo" to any of these people.

2. We want to tour the Citadel campus. Should we arm ourselves?

3. The first thing I want to see is that finishing school for transsexuals, Gordon Langley Hall.

4. Most Polite City in America, my ass! Some 80-year-old Scarlett O'Horror just told me I'd soon be needing some emergency proctological surgery if I took one more picture of her cupola.

5. Sure I've heard of the Spoleto Festival. When do they start blooming? And how many does it take to make an average float?

6. I hear if you give a Charlestonian a word association test, the term "booze-hound" 90% of the time elicits the response: "Episcopalian."

7. This is a city completely devoid of rats. I understand the roaches chased them away.

8. Tourist #1: Some sections of it remind me of Sweden.
Tourist #2: A liberal attitude toward sex?
Tourist #3: No, Volvos everywhere.

9. I heard that inbreeding was once so bad among some of the old Charleston families that when a kid was teasingly called "four-eyes" by his peers, he many not necessarily have been wearing glasses.

10. Did you know that some of these old building are pre-Strom Thurmond?

11. I heard they had to postpone the repair work on the old Cooper River Bridge for a week, when shipment of Crazy Glue was lost.

12. A mixed marriage here is when a Charlestonian marries someone from North Charleston.

13. We're just staying one day. My parking meter expense loan was denied.

14. I don't care how great they say it is, I'm not eating any of that she-crab soup.

15. I know it sounds crazy, but every once in a while, I get an urge to just sort of wander down the middle of the street like I was in Disney World or something.