Marv Albert Alibis

1. He was trying out a new “One on One” sports segment. YESSS!
2. He didn’t hear the 24-second bit buzzer. YESSS!
3. He was taping one of those “Sports Blooper and Blunders” episodes. YESSS!
4. He simply “wigged out.” YESSS!
5. “Giff” did it. YESSS!
6. The woman said she was a sports doctor who specialized in groin pulls. YESSS!
7. There is a sodomy empowerment clause in his NBC contract. YESSS!
8. It was “hump day.” YESSS!
9. “Assault? More like overly aggressive hand-checking. Sodomy? I’ve seen worse things in the Knicks’ locker room.” YESSS!
10. Letterman told him to spice up his act. YESSS!
11. Genetic predisposition: he found out he is related to the Kennedys. YESSS!
12. He made her a proposition and she specifically replied, “Bite me.” YESSS!
13. They were there in the hotel room, he asked if she would like room service, and she responded, “yes.” YESSS!
14. His new false teeth and penile extension are possessed by demonic powers. YESSS!
15. He’s an honorary member of the NBA (National Biters Association). YESSS!