The Flu – A Runner's Lament

Until a few weeks ago, I had only missed on running day since I started 7 years ago, and that was when I had a 24 hour intestinal virus in 1984. I've just been very fortunate with illnesses and whenever I've had an injury, it's always been the type that compelled me to moderate my running (shorten the distance or decrease the pace temporarily) rather than terminate it for a period of time.

However, my quest to become the Lou Gehrig of amateur running was cruelly and unceremoniously nullified recently by the flu. For four days I languished around my house, alternating between freezing to death and sweltering. As each day passed I agonized over whether I would set some sort of Guinness Book record for being sick with the flu. I also wondered how long it would take me to get back into form. Since this had never happened to me before, I didn't know what to expect. My doctor had told me it usually lasted 3 to 5 days. His nurse said 7 to 10 days. Of course, I figured she was probably right. Fortunately, he was the more accurate predictor.

During my convalescence, I also worried about gaining weight, since I think my eating habits have probably worsened since I started to run—because I feel "I can always run it off." I figured I'd probably game 15 pounds and my return to running would be like starting all over again; wobbling along at an 8 minute clip. Luckily—and only a neurotic runner would say this—I actually lost my appetite along with about 5 or 6 pounds. In fact, it took me about 2 weeks to regain it.

Psychologically—emotionally, I mean—I had some apprehension about how I would react to not being able to run. I considered two scenarios. Both rather scar, one in which I became a ranting, raving lunatic, screaming at my family and/or beating my dob or perhaps behaving like the guy in the movie "Reefer Madness." The second, and actually more frightening of the two, I would gradually lose interest in running altogether. I would re-adapt to my former slovenly, unhealthy lifestyle. Maybe even take up bowling as a substitute, and laugh it up with the boys at the alley about how I used to spend 4 or 5 hours a week running around Mt. Pleasant dodging cards and avoiding dogs. We'd have contests to see who would be the first to top 50% body fat.

I was enormously relieved to discover that neither of those extreme reactions occurred. I adjusted to my predicament fairly well. I really did enjoy my first day back, though. It was like being reunited with an old friend. I know this sounds sickening and a little mawkish I guess, but I got a real thrill out of putting on my shoes and lacing them up. I can remember having the feeling that this is something I shouldn't take for granted anymore.

I only ran 3 miles that first day, and although it took me a while to develop a rhythm again, it was probably the most enjoyable run I've ever had. In fact, only consideration for my son prevented me from breaking out into a skip several times. ("Dad, it's all around school that you were seen skipping down Cottingham Drive.")

Frankly, I see nothing wrong with a good skip every now and then to sort of relieve tension, though of course, societal codes prohibit this expression among adults, especially males. Perhaps it's up to us runners to eradicate this anachronistic taboo. A good "skip and run" race would be a perfect ice breaker. The skipping rule would sort of be on the same basis as the kicking rule in full contact karate, where the contestant must kick a specified number of times in the bout or be disqualified. Let's say, for instance in a 5k race, a runner would be required to skip 25 times. An average or below average skipper may want to space out his or skips at regular intervals A superior skipper (a skip-master) may be prudent to conserve his till the finish for a skip/sprint to victory.

Isn't it a paradox how something so positive can be spawned from a bottom level downer like the flu. I'm going to suggest to Cedric that the first skip race be dedicated to all those runners who have suffered, are now suffering, or will be suffering from the flu. It will be called "The Skip To My Flue 5k."

Yes, this entire article was created just so I would be able to say that.

(Originally published March 1986)