Must Use New Words and Phrases for the Millennium

June 1999
Must Use New Words and Phrases for the Millennium
By Bob Coskrey

Having been introduced to the interested word list in Wallenchinsky and Wallace’s book of Lists “Names of Things You Didn’t Know Had Names,” “Obscure and Obsolete Words,” “Untranslatable Words,” etc., I was inspired to come up with a list of my own words and phrases, entitled simply, “Must Use New Words and Phrases for the New Millennium.” Some of these you will note, are old words or names with newly ascribed meanings, like the first one, for example:

1. Cher Crop (Share Crop), noun: How a middle-aged female rock star obsessed with remaining forever young refers to her stable of young men, hence any group of young men preyed upon by one or more horny old women.
2. Clintonize, verb: This word, as one might guess, has multiple meanings: a) to lie publicly in an astoundingly audacious manner; b) to deny that a very commonly known human sexual behavior constitutes sexual relations, despite overwhelming clinical evidence; c) a specialized type of dry cleaning effective in removing incriminating stains, also known as “semenizing.”
3. Win One for the Gifford: to accomplish an extramarital liaison without being video-taped.
4. Pam-Mammicide, noun: the diminishing or eradicating of a personal characteristic that is totally responsible for one’s professional success.
5. Dennygrate, verb: to racially discriminate against someone in a public eating place.
6. Newter, verb: to jeopardize or destroy one’s career through making absurdly idiotic and self-destructive statements, e.g., Jimmy “The Greek” Snyder newtered himself in public.
7. Springer Spaniel, noun: a dog trained to detect whether an androgynous person claiming to be female is one or not. If after a thorough sniffing, male genitalia is discovered, the dog will go into a pointing stance.
8. Dylanate, verb: to conduct a successful career as a singer/songwriter even though no one can understand a single word you say.
9. Gorify (GORE-i-fy), verb, two meanings: a) to take credit for something that everyone else knows you had nothing to do with, e.g., oceans, fire, or the Internet; b) to be glorified is: to act/talk as if your limbs and brain cells were petrified.
10. Join the Dick Armey: to make an embarrassing public malapropism, unconsciously revealing a prejudiced mindset, requiring an immediate public apology.
11. Carlie Simonize: to write a disparaging song about your ex-lover.
12. Concession area: section of a movie theater where a customer conceded to pay whatever price is demanded for junk food he/she could buy elsewhere for half the amount or better.
13. Cardiolotto, noun: game played by theater concession counter employees in which cholesterol gorging customers are secretly assigned numbers, which a randomly selected, and the lucky employee whose selectee has a heart attack before leaving the theater receives a sizeable bonus.
14. Pop-off corn: name given to butter saturated popcorn sold at concession counters by its employees because of it deadly effect on customers.
15. Fruit Loop: specialized subway systems in Chicago for gays.