Lipinski – Lewinsky

May 1999
Lipinski – Lewinsky
By Bob Coskrey

I can’t believe I’m the only one who has noticed this, but do you not foresee the possibility that a few years from now when people are looking back on the significant events and people of 1998, that there will inevitably be some inadvertent mental transpositions when the somewhat similar sounding names, Tara Lipinski and Monica Lewinsky, are mentioned. Tara Lipinski will be mislabeled as wild intern in the Clinton sex scandal and Monica Lewinsky as the effervescent little gold medal skater. Who knows, maybe even the movie, “The Big Lebowski,” might get tossed in, to make for even more mind-adding predicaments.

Well, you needn’t worry because I have taken the impressively altruistic measure of creating a list of differences as well as similarities between Ms. Lipinski and Ms. Lewinsky, so that when that time comes, no one will be confused, and more importantly, no one will be insulted or possibly sued.

So, here it is. Cut it out of the magazine and keep it with you just in case:

Difference: Tara weighed a total of 85 pounds; Monica’s behind weighed 85 pounds.

Similarity: At one point in their careers, each was hurt by a nasty trip(p).

Difference: Tara performs a fantastic sit-spin, Monica performs a fantastic lap-sin.

Similarity: Both lived with the anxiety of having their careers possibly sidetracked by a knee injury.

Difference: In her leisure time, Tara was spotted with her skating coach viewing “The Big Lebowski.” In her leisure time, Monica was spotted with her former high school drama coach doing “The Big Lebangski.”

Similarity: Both excel at a popular American indoor sport.

Difference: Tara’s body fat: 8%, Monica’s body fat: 80%.

Similarity: In a spelling bee, both would lose. Tara would not be able to spell the word “Peyronie” and Monica would go down, so to speak, on the word, “Zambonie.”

Difference: Tara was hit on by a big lugier, Monica was hit on by a big loser.

Similarity: As a child, Tara skated on thin ice on a big creek. As a young adult, Monica was “skating on thin ice” with a big creep.

So there you have it. Whenever the differences between these two media celebrities gets a bit fuzzy, just refer to my list.

And please don’t overwhelm me or East Cooper Monthly with phone calls, faxes or letters of appreciation. Performing a civic duty through the use of my modest writing skills is its own reward.