Changes I Would Like to See at the IRS

April 1998
Changes I Would Like to See at the IRS
By Bob Coskrey


1. Every leap year, taxes can be paid with Monopoly Money.
2. You will be able to claim the government—federal, state, and local, as a dependant.
3. Investigation of a new sub-category of these tax-dodgers, who get “paid under the table,” the ones such as Monica Lewinsky, who got “paid under the desk.”
4. Implementation of a gas tax on those who dine in Mexican restaurants more than once a week.
5. A special accommodations tax for elected officials whose egos are so enormous that they require extra office space.
6. Implementation of an oxygen consumption tax for individuals such as Carl Mauldin and Howard Stern, whose noses occupy more than 1/3 of their face space.
7. A gradually increasing “annoyance tax” on those public figures whose “annoyance quotient” continue to expand exponentially (e.g. Robin Leach, Cathy Lee, Jessie Helms, the Carvilles, etc.)
8. A 100% income tax on Elvis impersonators (for obvious reasons).
9. In the male customer friendly category, the inclusion of a centerfold in the 1040 long form instructional booklet, entitled “the Girls of the IRS” a fold-out of 10 bounteous female employees with 40” plus measurements.
10. Just do away with the whole damned system. It’s all extremely taxing.